stradasphere

I Wish I Could Go Back To School

I would go here.

posted by stradasphere @ 2:31 PM 2 comments

Starting To Shine

A couple months ago I wrote about getting in contact with a guy named Jeff Eaton who was looking for a guitarist for his band to promote his new CD. Well, I was too late to get in so I let it go. WELL, I thought I would drop him an email the other day. We talked about meeting sometime, no big deal. Then he emails me and asks if I might want to play acoustic guitar for him so he can just sing. I said, sure. He just emailed me and said, "Cool. Then we need to get started. I'd like for you to play for my gig on November 3rd where I'm playing and will be recording the show live at Club Red in Tempe." I about soiled myself! I am so excited to get back onstage again! Then the next morning I am driving to LA to see The Who at the Hollywood Bowl!

I have ten songs to learn in a couple weeks. This coming on the heels of yesterday's post, I consider this a little gift from God. I am sure my mom had something to do with it too!

If you live in Phoenix, GO TO THE GIG! it's 5 bucks.

OH, and I have an audition for another band on Monday night! This was a fluke deal too! Time to sling some more guitar! I know God will work out the details if any of these gigs turn into something more.

Even if I have a couple gigs to look forward to every month, my soul will be able to sing and I can shine like a bright super fucking nova!

posted by stradasphere @ 12:58 PM 6 comments

The Legacy of the Bright Super Fucking Nova

Zach at Dopamine Addict, (go there and read him) who I sometimes feel spiritually connected to, gave me a huge compliment recently. He used the words "a bright super fucking nova" and I was blessed. Then my mother's birthday passed, and I have been thinking of her almost constantly since. She has been sending me musical postcards almost everyday now after I started listening again. You know, when you are thinking of someone and a song that reminds you of them comes on...hers was ELO and The Yardbirds. She has been reminding me she is alive and singing in Heaven.

She gave me an optimistic and cosmic outlook on what can seem a dismal world. She was a bright light, a bright super fucking nova. Her smile was huge, her heart even bigger. She gave and received so gratiously. Each bottle of cheap bath oil, every little bath bead, every card, every hug, every kiss, was met with fanfare. I felt like I was giving her diamonds every birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas. I wish I would have given her more but she knows.

She burned bright for 40 years, beating out Jesus by 7. Now I have lived 2 years longer than she did and have come to the realization that part of my purpose in this world is to carry on her legacy. The legacy of light, joy, kindness, giving, singing, hugging, kissing, loving. I have half a life left, if that. I burned bright as a young man with reckless abandon. Now I need to be a little more careful for my family's sake, but submitting to the doldrums of mediocrity is not an option. I need to carry the torch of Betty Mae. It sounds a lot like living for Christ, doesn't it? Not a bad deal at all. For some reason I have been kept alive many years longer than I, or anyone who has known me, ever thought I would live. 30 was the mark I thought I would burn out. Yes, I cooled for many years...marriage, children, responsibility...but I think I am lighting up again. Not in a destructive way, but to fulfill my destiny. To carry on the legacy of the bright super fucking nova. Jesus came to be a light, so did my mom, so did I damn it!

So did my wife's uncle. From what I haver heard of him, he was a bright super fucking nova. He died a very tragic death some years back at an early age. He left behind a family who, when speaking of him, light up, his light. My wife loved him perhaps more than her father in some ways. I met him twice during a time when A and I were not together, fighting over our son. But he actually made fun of her for being, well, not so nice to me. Having met many of my wife's family, some of them are just not very happy or fun to be around. So I came to revelation #2. Maybe she and I are together to carry on both legacies of the lights that have passed for each of us.

It makes cosmic sense that each of us lost, physically, a bright light in our lives and now we are together. A more cosmic connection than just love. But even more. If that's possible. In both of our families, she and I were the closest to the lights. So we need to shine, individually and together. Then shine into the hearts of our two bright shining kids so they can shine even brighter. A family of bright super fucking novas!

Yes, some stars aligned for me last night. And from that the bright shining light of the super nova of love.

posted by stradasphere @ 12:19 PM 4 comments

October 9-Happy Belated Birthday To...

My mother Betty Mae, John Lennon and John Entwhistle. Weird, you are all three in heaven. John and John, you both made huge impacts on my life with your music and I wish I would have met you.

Mom, besides the fact that you gave me birth, my life is so much better having known you. Before you got sick, I remember how you always sang and you went through your days. How you always smiled and looked on the brighter side. You told me three important things:
Boys will be boys
Money is meant to be spent
Rules are made to be broken

I know you know I followed all of your rules to the tee! I wish you were here on earth to share my wife and my children. I can't come close to imaging how much they would be spoiled. Neither can I imagine how you and my wife would cook, shop, and laugh together.

It's been over 25 years since I last saw you. If I would have known that would have been the last time I would ever see you I would have acted so differently.

Yes, you were very sick and in your own world by that time and I didn't understand. I always thought you would get better, and able to lead a "normal" life. But normal was never in your vocabulary, and I learned that from you. I would have forgotten all the pain of watching you go deeper into delerium and hugged you tightly. I would have listened to ELO with you and ate chocolate. I would have listened to your crazy ideas and conspiracy theories and agreed with every one. I would have rented "My Fair Lady" and watched it with you. I might have asked you to make your special egg nogg with the sugary foam stuff you would float on top. I would not have whinced when you called me Honeybee. I would have brought you some lavender roses from the bush you planted at our old house. I would not have been irritated when you danced your 60's dance to the Beatles. I would have said I love you, Momma.

I am glad you are happy now in Heaven. That is where you always belonged. This world was too negative for you. Too many people arguing, too much anger, not enough music. It doesn't make sense to me either mom. Your glass was always more than half full...yours brimmed with sunshine. It was filled with a frozen daquiri or champagne. Your smile was too bright for this world and the sun was jealous of its radiance. You were so misunderstood and even shunned for your optimism. No one else would start a discussion on how ugly Linda McCartney was at a dinner table with your Mexican in-laws. Yet you always made my grandfather laugh, you were his favorite gringa. Everyone slowly turned away from you as you slipped from reality, but they all cried when you were gone. They all had such wonderful stories about you...after you were gone. Their tears stung their faces with hypocrisy and guilt. Mine stung but also soothed in a way. I knew you had to go and I was relieved in many ways.

I have so much to thank you for. So I will get started so we don't have to waste time in Heaven.
Thank you for...
your three rules
telling me the Beatles would get back together when I was sad
your smile
the times you held a washcloth on my head during my asthma attacks
all the blood you cleaned off my clothes, year after year
the toilet paper you bought me to TP houses
not telling Dad SO MANY THINGS!
letting me smoke pot in my room
all of the 8-tracks, albums, and cassettes you bought me
my first guitar
treating me like a little prince
driving me to concerts
dropping me off at the movies...then picking me up much later that night
the garbage can you put next to my bed when I snuck Dad's booze...and not telling him
not yelling at me when the police brought me home
pretending to be mad when the police brought me home
not letting the doctor amputate my finger..."my son wants to play guitar"
letting me eat cereal all the time
macaroni and cheese
tuna sandwiches
PB&J sandwiches with the PB&J mixed together first
the cool little shotgun you bought me
the millions of toys you bought me
taking me to karate
sneaking me out of the hospital to play video games
calling me Honeybee
all the cards and gifts on every holiday imaginable
loving my dad when he wasn't loving you
protecting me night after night
loving me more than any person could love another human being
my life
your life

Happy Birthday Mom, I miss you more than I can express in words. So listen to my heart from Heaven. I love you.

posted by stradasphere @ 1:38 PM 3 comments