Down With Down's
I woke up this morning bothered, terrified, angry, sullen, and hopeless. Mostly because my mind put me in my brother's shoes. He and his sweet wife just had a beautiful daughter...but there is a catch, little Chloe has Down's Syndrome. They seem to be taking it ok. I was not this morning. My freaking overactive imagination put me in the mindset of where my bro might be. The heartache, dashed dreams, horror, anger, confusion all hit me so hard I had to work very hard to shove the whole scenario out of my brain.But I still want to cry. Here I am with two perfectly healthy kids and I am much more of an asshole than my bro. He is one of the nicest people I know, and his wife is even nicer. I got to go to little league games and look forward to seeing my daughter's first dance recital and play. For the bro and sis-in-law, they are looking at what they will have to do to take care of their princess, will she get made fun of, how disabled will she be, will she look like either of them when she gets older, will she be able to play an instrument, ect. They don't deserve this. DAMMIT.
It was their first baby and they did everything right. They waited until they had the resources to care for a child, they planned it out. Everything was in place.
Yes, they will love her with all the love in the world, so will our family. But still, DAMMIT. Their future has been shoved into a completely different direction. The baby needs heart surgery at 6 months, and she is so tiny. DAMMIT (No, I am not trying to be Jack Bauer here)
Oh, I know, I know, God has His reasons and all that. But, today I am pissed at Him. Why my brother and his wife? The age old question: "Why do good things happen to good people?" You know what? I don't give a shit right now about all the Christiany things people will say. "God has a plan", "This is a blessing in disguise", and a hundred others. DAMMIT
Why him, why her, why them?
Little Chloe, this is your uncle Lionel. I am sorry. And I promise to love you with all my heart and soul. The good news is, you have great parents. And don't listen to me right now, God really does love you.
posted by Unknown @ 10:56 AM
7 Comments:
Life is short...I just got a letter back from the Mighty Pete. It's things like that which get me past the bad news.
But you have to look beyond getting a band first. Get one guy together and jam. It's a TON of work and I have 12 years of headaches as well as successes.
It must always be fun. Good luck!
--Sully
ah, she will have a great life with lots of love around her. Great parents is the first big thing in her life.
Thank you for the Birthday wishes.
take care
Strad,
I wandered over here from your comment on my blog and just sat and read and reread your post.
I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I don't know why God allows bad things to happen to good people. I know when bad things happen it is not His fault, and I know in allowing free will bad things do happen, but the only thing I can come up with in your case is that He doesn't see what's happened to Chloe as the tragedy you do, because He doesn't see her as less-than any other child on earth. To Him she is as perfect as any of the rest of us. Maybe more so, because she will alway have the childlike traits/faith that He loves so dearly.
I hope this doesn't sound trite. It surely isn't meant to be.
xoxox
~Lace~
Sorry dude, I have to run to work. I will catch up and read your blog later, but tag, you are it! Check out my blog to see what I mean.
sully: a letter from the Birdman huh? DO SHARE!
grace: yes you are so right...we all love her dearly already!
lace: you are not being trite, you are right on...what you say is so true...God's eyes work much better than mine...thanks for the reminder
ptf:talk to you soon little sister!!
First of all, the Jack Bauer thing is funny. It's alright Bro. You can be upset. We can't know all the answers. It's not our job. It's normal to be hurt though. You love her so much and she already has a struggle when she is so tiny and precious. My heart goes out to you and your family as the hopes and dreams they had have been dashed in a way. But really, they are just redirected. Why your brother? I don't know. You did say he was very nice and sweet. Can you think of anyone else in the world you would trust to give Chloe the love, patience and special attn. she will need? Well, maybe God doesn't either. I'm just guessing, but that could be a reason, because your brother and his wife are very special people entrusted with taking care of a little one that God sees as precious. My friends have 5 children and one of them is autistic. The only "normal" frineds that little boy has, are my children. My children do not make fun of him, but love him for who he is. (I'm saying this because not all children are out to make fun of special children)This child actually brings out the best in my daughter and I cannot take the credit for that. When she is around that little boy, God works in her in an amazing way and she has all of the love, patience, maturity and compassion way beyond what a little girl her age should have. If it were not for this autistic boy, this woudl not be happening in my daughter. I know it sounds like Christian trite, but God has already supplied them with everything they need and He will never leave them. He loves Chloe and He lvoes your family too. YEs, things will be hard, but think about it, when really do we find the best things in life? When does our faith grow? When do we open our eyes and regognise God in our lives? It's not in the easy times, I'll tell you that. I am very thankful that I do not have to deal with that.
I know several couples who have lost children to miscarriage and some couples who could not even get pregnant to begin with. They would give the world to have a child just like Chloe, compared to the alternative of not having a son or daughter at all. Love ya, Bro. Thanks for sharing.
Bek, you and Lace, are right on target. Actually since this post I now have a perspective along the same lines as what you wrote. That morning was really hard for me. As an update, I saw Chloe over the weekend and she is beautiful! A little on the tiny side but she is wonderful. I need to post some pix.
Thanks for the kind and encouraging words!!!
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