stradasphere

American Blogger Turns 30

A Happy Birthday to American Blogger who is now officially on his way to being old. If you caught his last post you can see signs of his future as a crabby old man. But, alas, I am here to help. Afterall he was the one who introduced me to blogging, NaNoWriMo, and the dangers of Chipotle burritos. He also hooked me up with some tunes that have been in regular rotation on my media player at work-umm no they weren't pirated. Without him I would never have had so much joy during the presidential election, not to mention the gloating and snappy and witty exchanges. I must admit, things haven't been the same between us but there is always hope. (His mom watches O'Reilly!!!! Awesome!!) Having said all that, my patriotic friend with poor musical taste, (besides HTDAAB), here is a brief, yet not exhaustive, list of how to stay young now that you are officially "in your 30s"!
1. Look for more mischievous ways to get back at the lady who lets her dog poop in your yard. (The sprinkler idea was mine and I want props.)
2. Instead of complaining (oh yeah, hardcore bloggers call it "ranting"), find ways to sarcastically demean and exploit those people (women drivers, redneck Republicans, young guitar players) who irritate you so often.
3. I hate to admit it, but you can delve farther into liberalism which becomes more childish as the days go on.
4. Get rid of your pseudo-patriotic theme on your blog. From the likes of most of the young people I work with, backing America isn't that cool. Try something "edgy". (For ideas see Edgypants)
5. Sorry to say but you are going to need a new "do". The regular guy look isn't gonna cut it. Perhaps the Samurai Poof?? Iron Curls?? The Thinning Cat??
6. Quit chewing on all that fricken plastic and find something cool to gnaw on.
7. The t-shirt, shorts, and sandals thing works but, again, you need to get a bit edgier. Try a "Buddha is my homeboy" or "Vote For Pedro" t-shirt. OR start working in the retro gas station style shirts...and get some boots.
8. You're gonna need some piercings or ink. According to company policy you can't do the tongue thing so you may have to get creative. I won't go there. And what about a tribal armband tattoo that looks like razor blades or NO WAIT! THE AMERICAN CHOPPER DESIGN on your calf so when you wear shorts on Fridays everyone can see you are happening!!
9. Say "dude", "what up", "s'chillin," more often and quit being so dang polite in person. You sure know how to spew it on your blog, now bring some of that "real you" out in public. Most young people are flippin' rude these days and have no social graces whatsoever, so pretend you are a young admissions rep and let it all hang out. (Not literally!! ew!)
10. And finally, GO OUT AND BUY THAT DANG CHOPPER!!! It'll go good with your new look, new threads, tats, and tude.

Happy Birthday AB from all of us very hip but old folks at Stradasphere.

posted by Unknown @ 8:40 AM