stradasphere

THUGS 'R US

Falafel: In what seems to be only the first in a series of new terror attacks, U.S. soldier, Special Ops Cody, a.k.a. John Adam, was taken hostage by radical detergents. In a message posted on Al Jezeerra, the terrorists demand the U.S. release other Brothers-with-arms that are being held for similar crimes against toys.

We will start by dismantling this little man until all of his parts are in a pile. Then we will melt him down under the name of our god, the message said.

The White House issued this statement: We are currently working with Mattel and Hasbro and have been playing Stratego for our best options for Cody's rescue. We have seen this before and will prevail.

The White House was most likely referring to a similar kidnapping of G.I. Joe at the beginning of the War on Terror. This may be a copy-cat kidnapping which opens speculation on whether this is the work of Cobra, arch nemesis of G.I. Joe. The slime balls have also changed tactics by threatening to melt the soldier.

Toyerrists have long been know for dismantling action figures, even going so far as placing different heads on different bodies claiming them to be Mutants for Muhammad, however this is the first actual threat of using a Bic lighter.

The outcry from the public has been enormous. To raise awareness about terrorist toynapping, celebrities are banding together to perform a remake of the hit song, We are the Toys. Among the star-studded cast is Malibu Barbie, Woody, the duo of Raggedy Ann and Andy, Buzz Lightyear, Mr. Potato Head, and many others. Organized by the Green Machine himself, Gumby, this song is sure to surpass previous sales records.

THIS JUST IN: A new video has just appeared on an Islamic website claiming to have kidnapped Reporter Ken who has been embedded with the G.I. Joe Team. Barbie could not be reached for comment. Stradasphere will be covering this developing story.

STRADASPHERE NEWS: Fairly Unbalanced

posted by Unknown @ 8:09 AM