Mother Love Home
This morning my wife posed the question on whether it is better to have a mom who can't take good care of you or no mom at all. I assured her that having no mom is one of the worst things a kid could have. I know first hand. My mother died when I was in high school. It was a relief in some ways because she was very sick and unable to take care of my sister, brother, and I...but she was still there. There was always the hope that "mom will get better." In a weird way I still live with the hope that she is going to magically appear one day, telling me she had to disappear or she really worked for CTU (24) and was living abroad due to some CIA-Counter Terrorist Unit. But no. She is gone and in heaven.I remember seeing a movie on Houdini where at the end his wife tries to communicate with him after he died. He always told her he would contact her from the grave. I remember watching that hoping he did it. I always thought she would try and talk to me from Heaven, but I don't believe it works that way.
I had a dream once that I got a St. Patrick's Day card in the mail signed, "Guess Who?" in her handwriting. She always gave us cards and stuff on any holiday and even for no reason. She signed, "Guess Who"...I still wish that dream was real. But no. She is gone and in Heaven.
Even at 41, I wish I got birthday calls...she would probably still be buying me boxers and socks; and spoiling the crap out of my kids, embarassing me on holidays, and calling me Honeybee in front of my friends. (And no, you can't call me that, even as a joke). She would always have the smile she lived in, and walk through the house singing. As I write I remember her singing 'Riders on the Storm" on a rainy night, driving in Tucson...it irritated the crap out of me...now I wish it didn't. She kind of whispered the lyrics...it was annoying then, it is beautiful now.
I think, like me, she spent a lot of time in a dream world. A Utopia where everyone laughed all the time and everyone was nice to each other...and everybody sang all the time. She taught me three things, Boys will be boys, Money is meant to be spent, and Rules are made to be broken. I learned well. I am still very much a boy, I have no money, and I rebell every chance I get. Thanks Mom! I do have a lot of fun!
So today I am trying to convince my wife that, while she may not do everything right and she is not the ultimate soccer mom, she is there. She loves her kids deeply even if our 12 yr old has to make his own lunch. Even if the kids are late to school, Mom still dropped them off. Even if they got to bed late last night, Mom still gave each of them a kiss and a prayer. I told her hugs and kisses are worth more than home cooked meals every night...and they get quite a few of those! She will get through it. I wouldn't doubt it if my wife goes and takes both kids out of school, treats them to McDonald's for lunch, and sends them back to school wondering, "What's with mom?" What's with mom is a lot of pain, problems, doubt, fear, but most of all love. Love isn't always manifesting immediately in actions. Sometimes we can't show it all the way we think we should.
And in some weird way, I am sitting here waiting to get an email from, "Guess Who."
posted by Unknown @ 10:29 AM
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