A Humbling Whisper
I just felt saying I am in a bit of a quagmire of minor depression, doubt, fear, and worry. Changes at work are on the way, and this could be a good thing. My #1 guy is being moved to another department, which means I have to replace him. I am also about to go into my boss' office and ask for some big things, like a promo. But it all wanes to the little hole in my heart that I am not playing enough music and letting my soul out there. I do now I am making moves in this direction so all is not lost, it just isn't here right now. Then there are money problems. We have always struggled in this area, mostly out of selfishness or just plain stupidity.
My wife is working a job on her feet at night and she has a back problems...I have a "manager" job that really doesn't pay enough to support a family of four! Yes, I know I am not my job, but I want to provide for my family and also offer some niceties.
I feel very humbled right now...I was going to pawn my guitar amp to avoid getting our electricity turned off. My good friend, brother, and pastor told me to bring my bill to the church, and they paid it. I am holding back tears right now. Life feels so hard right now. My initial reaction is to take charge, start waiting tables at night and let my wife take care of the house, the kids and her health...then I heard a whisper...
"Slow down my son, wait for Me to show you what to do...turn over your fears to Me."
posted by Unknown @ 3:45 PM
11 Comments:
You should read my last two posts. The first one will just cheer you up. The second one, well let's just say that you can't go wrong talking about Don Francisco and Keith Green.
Brilliant zaque...I must link to you now...you are my new hero.
you're both twats. twats i tell you, twats!
Hi Lionel,
I hope that things get better for you. It's good to know that no matter how bad things get, God will always be there for us.
Right on Metalchick! I am trusting him more...He HAS to have a better plan than I do!
Hi Lionel,
Sorry to read that things are so hard for you financially. We've all been there at some point, and you just need to trust and ride it out in the least painful way possible.
I hope you get back to your music soon- it soothes the soul.
Cheers,
AM
I happened across your post and I gotta say:
I can relate in many ways. I too play...played music. I don't have 4 kids just 1 and 1 on the way but still I feel for ya. Its an amazing task just trying to turn your fears over to Him. Keep doing that it will be ok even if it gets worse before getting better.
do your best and leave the rest...will all come right one day...or night..
Hi,
I read about your bad days. Ever I say after dark days the sun will be shining the next morining. Look the good days will be come. It's the same in my situation. I'm live together with my both kids and I must work very hard in my full-time job. I have no free time (only sometimes). If the kids are back in school next month I look about homework, learning together, cooking and so on, but I'm together with my kids and this is the best in my life.
Hope it will be better soon for you and your family.
All the best from me
Stefan
am, randy, gypsy, stefan: thank you all for the encouragement. I know there is always light after dark...this seems like a very long night.
Wow, when I read you say your intial reaction is to take charge...that's where I am always. Here is how it is for me. Something happens, I try to trust God, it gets worse, I freak and I take charge cuz I think God's not. Well, He is, I just freak before He comes through. So now I am going through something where it was so big I could not take charge. I was freaking. My church has helped me by telling me to chill and to not panic. Also I am TRYING to put into practice everything I have learned. Well, it seems to be worrking out now that I don't have my grubby hands all over it. It's just taking way longer than I like. (I have a problem with patience.)
I also know how you feel about the humble thing because my friends and my church have beem helping me out a LOT financially. I am thankful but I don't really like it because I am the kind of person that likes to give. But I guess we all need lessons on how to recieve as well. Thin kabout it, if you have a problem recieving from people who give without expecting anything in return, you may also have a problem recieving from God who expects nothing in return. It is a pride issue. I am thinking I have been in this "needy" situation too long andit's about time I can have some abundance to lavish on others. Well, that ain't happened yet.
It's hard. (Yes, sing the tune in your head.) I keep trying to change my life for the better, but it seems like nothign has changed. In frustration I asked my pastor why my business venture didn't work out even when I had all kinds of prayer support. I even had people pray that if God woudl not bless the business, then don't even let me go down that road. But I busted down the doors and went down that road and it failed and I am in a mess. My pastor said, "God is more interested in what's in your heart." You know, it's so true. I am learnign a LOT through this not only about God, but about the church which is the Body of Christ. I always think that God's help is going to fall out miraculously from the sky, but for me that doesn't really happen. He is showing me that He is working extensively through His church, these wonderful people who are coming around me in many ways. That sort of makes me feel a little bit better because even though I only give a tiny morsel financially, I can and do give a lot more in other ways. So I am contributing. Just not as much as I would like. So anyway. I just rambled on. I hope it helps a little.
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