stradasphere

Little Locked Boxes of Pain

In everyone's soul is a box of pain. Tattered cigar and crayon boxes filled with memories and moments we would rather forget but don't. Boxes that really should be thrown away, especially since every time one is picked up a side of it falls off or the bottom falls out. This is the time we should gather the contents and throw them in a fire. But, more times than not, we grab the masking tape and put it back together. As we do, we take a tired moment to go through the contents one more time. Reliving the pain, the terror, the betrayal, the confusion, the depression...then splash our faces with the old tears kept in a little brown bottle inside the box. It stings, but it is familiar and somehow comforting. The twisted comfort of self-pity, self-loathing, contempt for "her", "him", "them", mom, and dad. Then, as we try to close the tattered lid, our eyes meet with the eyes in some yellowing photograph underneath a sacred "Dear You" letter. Trying to reconnect to the pictured person, we stare into the eyes of someone who broke our heart, who lied, who stabbed us in the back, who told us goodbye, who remined us we are not good enough.

Sometimes in these boxes are little locked boxes. These are made of iron, steel, and every other unbreakable material. We keep these boxes locked. Some have keys we wear around our neck on a chain no one can see. Some don't have keys anymore. They are locked forever. We know what is each of these boxes. The contents are mean and magical. Not magical in the good way. It is quite possible to retrieve the contents at any time, only to hurt someone or to push someone away. Then, magically, the contents go back into the box, locked away for future pain. These are the boxes we refuse to empty out. We think we need these. The locked boxes are protective and destructive. Most of what is enside of each has a similar quality, "I'll never forget" or "I'll never forgive you" or "You will never get to me again" or "I will never let you off the hook."

All the keys look the same too. While each has a different shape and number of teeth, all are wrought from the same material. One would hope it would be simply love, but that seems too easy. One would think it would be closure, but that is too neat. What makes these keys is complex and layered with pain, joy, love, hate, strength, and weakness. And besides, only God really forgives.

posted by Unknown @ 2:14 PM