stradasphere

Stand Up

I have been absent from the blogsphere lately. Much going on in my head and heart, as usual. Most recently, I am playing and singing at a mixer for the West Valley Arts Council tomorrow night. Not a huge deal but could lead to some contacts and more gigs playing acoustic music. And I will make a few bucks. My friend who got me the gig has been encouraging me to pursue these deals as well as arts administration. He has also been lecturing me about not bowing down to other artists who insist on engaging me in a competitive sense instead of an artistic one.

Playing with my old guitarist has brought up some old issues. Who sings what, over analyzing the songs before we start to play them, weird shit. It isn't fun sometimes. Plus I have to have a serious talk about the singing part. I can sing lead and harmony. He can't and I am tired up being the harmony singer. If I am going to spend time away from my family to play music, it has to be good or I am out. Also, I am not interested in hidden power struggles and the like. I am not sure he can see what I see in him. I have played second fiddle to him and others for a long time out of necessity...I can sing more than others can. And I want to sing what I want to sing. I have the feeling this gig won't last long. I am sure he is not interested in mostly playing guitar while I front the gig and sing most of the songs. This is a 20 year old battle with him, one I am not going to fight anymore. I am realizing that jamming with him brings me full circle in this area. I am going to stand up for myself artistically.

In the past I thought I was being humble and giving as an artists but I was shooting myself in the foot. Also, I was not giving myself enough credit as an artist, musician, and singer. I am better than I claim to be because I don't want to seem arrogant. Well, I can be as good as I can be without being arrogant. I am also tired of being "pushed around" by controlling and seemingly insecure people. So I am going to be me at the cost of an old friendship which sort of feels like just that...an old friendship (not that we were always the best of friends).

So if he reads this first then I will know the time is right to talk about all this...if not, it is up to me to stand up for myself artistically.

posted by Unknown @ 1:33 PM