A Call For Change...In Me
A better part of my weekend was spent in front of my computer watching the Live Earth concert. And while I made sure all my lights were off went to bed there is a more immediate change that needs to take place...a change in how I see my life. I have way too many regrets and too many songs to write and record and perform.
Arrested: It was the Police videos that got me. When they became big, I had just started my first band. We were a three-piece too, but none of us sang at the time. That's when I started to see my dreams, in the living rooms and backyards of my high school friends. From that point on I was always playing music. My next band, The Rundles, were all over town for years. We gigged all the time and everywhere. I was living my life the way I always thought I should. I won't go into the sex and drugs and booze stuff, you have all heard it before.
The Stage: I love the stage, I love the audience, I love performing more than anything. I went into theatre for a while and found a new love of performing. Music took a back seat for a while, but it pulled me back in. I quit acting school, thought I was going to be a lawyer for a while, then got back into music with Beggar's Theater, the band. We were freaking good and had a shot, except for egos and coke.
The Announcement: During the Beggar's Theater days I found out I was going to be a father...oops! I always wanted a son and now I got one. I had to get off drugs, so I did. The problems is that I associated drugs and booze so much with performing that I thought I had to quit it all together. Yes, it's hard to be a dad when you are at rehearsal and gigs at night, but I threw it all away. Somehow I got it mixed up in my head that I couldn't follow my heart and grow one in my son.
The Midlife Crisis: So here I am today wondering if at 42 I can somehow get back into music someway. I hold myself back from writing and practicing because I think it will take time away from my wife and kids. It does take time, effort, and sacrifice. I feel guilty when I do...I get very obsessive when writing and need to be alone. Try that in a house with a wife and two rowdy kids! Damn it! I have to. Part of me is dying inside.
The Decision: Yeah I'll help save the earth, but I need to save myself first. I am going to fight against the lies in my head telling me I blew it. I didn't I followed my heart for what I thought was right. Now I am going to do it again. Gotta go, I have a guitar to play.
Lights Out!
posted by Unknown @ 2:03 PM
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