The Road To Me Being Me
Well, it has been quite a few days since my last post. I appreciate all of the generous and encouraging words from all of you. The worship and arts conference I attended Friday and Saturday was wonderful. We did some of those team-building things and personality assessments. Turns out I am an "idealist/artisan". No big surprise! I have an innate desire for harmony and beauty in my life. I came home with a stronger desire to explore my God-given gifts for music and also to help people in with the arts. I have been exploring opportunities in arts administration so I can use my management experience coupled with my passion for the arts.
On the music front, my old buddy and I are working on a set of songs for acoustic gigs. We found again that if the egos are out of the way we work well together. We have been throwing around the idea of using the name of our first band for our duo...The Rundles. This was the band we formed right out of high school and gigged all around town with some bands like The Meat Puppets and the Gin Blossoms. Perhaps using this name will generate some buzz with old timers who may remember us. I think we were more famous for our parties than music. We did win Best Rock Band in the New Times. It is exciting to get back into music with my old and very talented friend.
Songpull Phoenix is coming closer to a reality. Dan from Songpull is sending me some stuff and getting T-shirts made!! ANY SONGWRITERS IN THE PHOENIX AREA PLEASE CONTACT ME!! I just need to nail down a date and get it going.
Lastly, I heard on
Mosaic this morning a message about not being afraid to go after who God made me to be. Don't fear the rejection, the confusion, and don't doubt! God doesn't make junk, we junk ourselves up. I encourage you to visit the Mosaic website to hear wonderful messages about being who we were meant to be. "Decide who you want to become and don't let anything in life cause you to deviate that course!" I HAVE CONTROL OVER WHO I CAN BECOME!
Even if you aren't a Christian you can get something from these messages. The pastor's name is
Erwin Rafael McManus. Read his book The Barbarian Way--"The greatest enemy to the movement of Jesus Christ is Christianity." I think that says it all.
The Up End of the Rollercoaster
So much to report that overshadows the debit card thing! We got our money back and I really couldn't give a crap anymore. The darkness lasted only a little while, and I appreciate all the comments of encouragement! The rollercoaster ride I live on is on the upswing...not financially but emotionally and spiritually. When I get my eyes off my junk I can see how great things really are and are going to be. To save time, I will make a list.
1.
Mr Pinkerton deleted another comment of mine from his blog. I think it was because I called him out on being attention-seeking and psudo-sentimental again. He always deletes those, even though his "readers" know his game.
2. I had a long talk with
Dan from Songpull about getting one going here in Phoenix. The most exciting thing for me in a long time. Do go check out what
Songpull is all about. It is an awesome deal and I want to thank
Zach for originally posting about it on Dopamine Addict. I do NOT think it was an accident that I stumbled across it.
3. I am getting back together with my old guitar playing partner from my two best bands, The Rundles and Beggar's Theater. Paul and I are working up an acoustic set for now and see where it goes.
4. Going to a worship conference this weekend up north where it is cooler. Plenty of prayer and music for the next two days...and a few beers when the legalists aren't around!!
5. My kids and I had dinner with my dad and little brother the other night after 5 long years. The old man was so happy to see his grandkids. I know I hurt him by keeping them away from him but a mind-controlling pastor had his hooks in me. Thank God that He is the god of reconcilliation!
6. I found out there is a industry involved in Arts Administration...more on that later so I don't get fired.
7. Best of all I realized that my wife is not responsible for my spiritual and emotional happiness and contentment. She can help but it is not her responsibility. I blame her too much when I am unhappy. It is not your fault my love. I will take responsibility to go after what my soul needs to do.
So there it is. This list blows away having my bank account emptied! I welcome any and ALL comments, no matter how sarcastic...(for you Mr. P...I mean Mr. Sensitive-blech)
Just when I thought it was safe to go in the water.
The hits seem to keep coming...not the good hits either. Sunday I checked our bank account online only to find there was a big charge to Home Depot in California. Well, we live in AZ and I NVER BOUGHT ANYTHING FROM HOME DEPOT! Someone got ahold of my debit card number online somehow and cleared out my bank account. So now we are completely without money until the charge clears AND THEN wait for the bank to replace our money. This could take a few days. Talk about feeling violated.
I don't understand what is going on lately. Things seems to be spiraling down. Communication at home isn't the best either. I have always felt some fundamental differences between my wife and me which make even the simplest things difficult. Work doesn't seem to have the opportunity it had not less than a few days ago. I feel replacable today.
A Humbling Whisper
I just felt saying I am in a bit of a quagmire of minor depression, doubt, fear, and worry. Changes at work are on the way, and this could be a good thing. My #1 guy is being moved to another department, which means I have to replace him. I am also about to go into my boss' office and ask for some big things, like a promo. But it all wanes to the little hole in my heart that I am not playing enough music and letting my soul out there. I do now I am making moves in this direction so all is not lost, it just isn't here right now. Then there are money problems. We have always struggled in this area, mostly out of selfishness or just plain stupidity.
My wife is working a job on her feet at night and she has a back problems...I have a "manager" job that really doesn't pay enough to support a family of four! Yes, I know I am not my job, but I want to provide for my family and also offer some niceties.
I feel very humbled right now...I was going to pawn my guitar amp to avoid getting our electricity turned off. My good friend, brother, and pastor told me to bring my bill to the church, and they paid it. I am holding back tears right now. Life feels so hard right now. My initial reaction is to take charge, start waiting tables at night and let my wife take care of the house, the kids and her health...then I heard a whisper...
"Slow down my son, wait for Me to show you what to do...turn over your fears to Me."
Wire and Glass got a nice review on CNN. I am glad the writer didn't get stupid trying to take the boys down for their age or some crap concerning Moonie or the Ox. Pete and Roger have put together some great songs on this EP! I can't wait for the full album. Pino and Zak did some very Whoish stuff without trying to channel our dearly departed battery of John and Keith. Just thought I'd share!
Long Live Rock!
Guitar and Pen Friday 6-late edition
These lyrics may be a bit weird but they represent how I fell when I want to check out in my head. I don't want to hear happy music, it has to be kind of trippy or whatever...I can't explain it...wait yes I can! The explanation is below.
Droning
I need a droning in my head
To keep me going, keep me moving
I need a constant sound in my head
To remind me I'm alive and grooving
A straightline rhythm just won't do
Give me something swirling, turning, twisting
A regular chord can't help me
Give me something bending, intertwining
Even an old familiar favorite
Can't move me along today
My only solace is something
That sounds a little strange
I need to hear the unfamiliar
To bring me back, or bring me down
I want listen to what isn't quite near
To tell me there is more than one sound
Copyright© 2006 Stradasphere Music
I will be live at the Hollywood Bowl!
My cousin called me the other day and had a ridiculous question; "Do you want to see The Who at the Hollywood Bowl?" Um, YEAH...so as tickets just went on presale, he is getting them for me and I am good to go for the Hollywood Bowl! AND I didn't have to use my presale code just in case they come to Arizona...which they darn well better
(you bet!)
This morning I took a step. A step down a dusty road that leads to my soul. The place in my soul that sings, weeps, rejoices, wonders, laughs, and even destroys. There is a room in there where the best part of me lives. He peaks out every once in a while then either sneaks or crashes back in. Oddly enough, he is the most courageous part of me, the most loving, and the most dangerous. But he has been wounded too many times. A mocking father's words, sneers from friends, jealously, ego, rejection, and even praise...all arrows in his heart. A wounded soldier, a tortured artist, a scared child, a weeping poet, a loyal husband, a guitar slinger, a loving and sometimes crazy father...all rolled into one.
He has stepped out lately. Quietly posting lyrics. Secretly recording old songs. Well the cat, or should I say lion, is out of the bag.
My name is Lionel. I write songs, sing, and play guitar. I have a rough mix of a song I wrote and recorded on
IAC. I hope you like it...no wait...I hope it moves you in some way, good or bad, hot or cold. I hope you can relate. If you can and do, then the music connected us. And that's what it's all about. Nice to meet you.
